Overcoming The Pain of a Breakup

I wrote this based on a personal experience of mine...hope it would help to those of you who need it...(or probably later)

Destruction of a life, career, a mind and a bright shining flower withers away. That is what break-ups do most of the times. The trauma of a break-up becomes impossible to bear for many and they suffer over a very long period. They are bewildered with what happened. They simply cannot believe it. They are stunned and that feeling of disbelief and the knock of the break-up hurts so badly that some lose their mental stability.

Let us not go into why the break-ups occur. But if a person suffers so much after a break-up as we described above then obviously he/she was cheated by the partner into the belief that he/she was a ideal person deserving all the love and devotion. But the reality was different. That person was dishonest, without integrity and deserved no love from an honest person. That person was cruel and mean-minded and came in to a life only to destroy it forever.

What can be done by the suffering party? As we said the shock is very big at times and the person cannot believe that he/she did it. For him/her the ex-partner was the best human being going around. An example of truth, honesty, integrity and love. So the first thing to accept and realize is that you were cheated by someone who was deceptive. You were wrong in your thinking that the other person was honest and trust worthy. You were fooled. This will be very difficult to do, but has to be done. No amount of grief will help unless you first accept that - You were a fool. You gave your love and devotion to a person who was totally undeserving. You could not understand it. You failed.

After the break-up, it is not only the shock of having been dumped, but also the loss of love that hurts badly. You loved that person with all your might. You took care to see that you gave every comfort and total trust to that person. You might have even sacrificed many precious relationships and career in your love. And the memories of time shared together. That lingers. They hurt. Everything hurts.

First please accept that you were fooled by someone who was a cheat. Repeat it in your mind as many times as you can. Whenever you feel like grieving, do it. When the memories of earlier shared moments come to haunt you, relive them, but at the end repeat that- You were fooled by someone totally untrustworthy. Accept that fact and your recovery may become a real possibility after a bad break-up.

The Need to be Right

Of recent I have been having a lot of discussion with various friends about the difference in being right and wanting to be right all the time. Well, everyone has a different view about it and I realized as I get older, these days I just listen, rationalize and give my point of view about this matter. So, this leads me to writing a topic about "The need to be right". Its only my personal point of view and you are free to disagree with me if it pleases you.

The Need to be Right is very much tied up with the EGO. An argument is a battle between ego. When you agree you seem to be submitting to the others point of view - so you lose. When you disagree you are asserting your ego and indicating that you may be superior.

However, a lot of people misunderstand a logical and acceptable argument and an emphasis made to stress a point as a form of ego, thus labeled - Stalin, Hitler, the iron lady etc. etc. etc. (I have even been in situations where even the volume or pitch of a voice that is raised is deemed to be rude and intimidating, when it is clearly not. As we all know, in stressing a point there is need to vary our pitch and tone - warning : highly affected by super sensitive individuals and too often academics or highly educated people) He or she may actually have a point but because of the reluctance of the other party to accept a fact causes a disagreement. This comes to a point where the second party makes it a point to disagree, and in a loosing battle emphasizes that there is no point arguing as the other is clearly a dictator. This type of mind is intensely irritating and is far from having a "reasonable mind"

If you agree with everything, (as how some people prefer) there is not much of a discussion, not much of a conversation and not much of an exchange of view. The other person might as well be giving a lecture.

You need to be somewhere between these two extremes. You do not have to agree with everything, likewise you should not disagree with everything too.

If you insist on winning an argument you end up with nothing more than you started with - except showing off your arguing ability. When you lose an argument you may well have gained a new point of view. Being right all the time is not the most important thing in the world and it is certainly not very beautiful. So the next time you get in a discussion, leading to a heated discussion, take it as an exchange of view and stop being a hyper sensitive squirrel and sulk over winning or losing it. Is it really worth it?

A discussion should be a genuine attempt to explore a subject rather than a battle between competing egos.... Don't you agree with me??????