Friends, Friendship...what is the meaning behind it. How far does a friendship extends to? Do we need friends? Its something that has been lingering in my mind the past few months and I came up with my own conclusion.
Human relationships are the source of most of life's pleasure and pain. There is however a key variable in the happiness equation - OTHER PEOPLE. These "others" are who we laugh, hurt, shout, swear, cry, try, work, pay, plan, debate...those whom we love, trust, tolerate, blame, believe and occasionally avoid. That's why we make friends. There are no simple mathematical formulae for making friends. Certainly it takes more than self esteem and good table manners to earn the trust of others. There is a balance between give and take, between duty to oneself and to others. And then there is generosity, sensitivity, good humor and a little wisdom. We control our actions, drinking for example does not make one less noble than a person who doesn't, for as long as we can limit and condition that habit so that we do not go to the extremes is fairly acceptable. Likewise, when you force a person to stop smoking, for example, it does not make him or her a better person inside, thus an advice more than a lecture would suffice at this stage - keyword equates respect one's decisions and opinions. The knife in he hands of murderer kills, but a knife in the hands of a doctor saves lives. So to be a friend or a person in a relationship we cannot push outside another persons' envelope, nor can we be quick to pass judgment.
Our world is made of layers. We have the inside world - friends and family...the outside world - bosses, colleagues and some extra terrestrial salesman at our door. You see, different people require different treatment (you don't treat your boss like your wife or partner). Nevertheless we seek a tranquil co-existence with people from all layers.
I have a friend when I was staying in KL, who has all the trendy gears. Armani shirt, Cardin suit, Gucci shoes and a concertina of credit cards. He's got a diamond studded watch on his arm and a matching BMW to match it. He argues with me when we go out that he is doing everything right. When he complains slightly to me about his life, I then asked him a simple question - Is this what you really want and are you happy with it? when I pointed out to him that these are all materialistic things and asked him if he was happy. He could NOT answer me!!!. I told him to ask himself, if he was doing all the right things, where are his real friends? How is it that his other mates in his battered old proton is getting all the laughs and scoring all he ladies (and gentlemen)?
There are times when we should ask ourselves too some relevant questions like "Am I reliable? Do I feel superior? Do I feel inferior? Am I running scared? Do I take myself too seriously? Can I laugh at myself? Do I listen? Am I responsible? Am I a fun person to be around or do I bore everyone to death? Well the first lesson of friendship is that IF YOU WANT FRIENDSHIP, YOU MUST BE A FRIEND FIRST.
Life is about people . If there are other people( a partner, a friend or an acquaintance) who puts too many conditions on how you should behave, they risk cutting themselves from life itself. No doubt you will have a friends or partners who are less punctual, more thrifty, or less reliable than you, people who are more talkative, less modest. much sillier or more serious than you are. BE FLEXIBLE. A person cannot expect an overnight change on the habit of another person. Instead of attacking learn to absorb and accept. Delight the differences in those who make up your world. Enjoy yourself for your uniqueness and you will do yourself the most enormous favor. Dont let others undermine you for being oppinionated, being open, being flexible and for sticking to your beliefs and facts - in short for being what you are. Be yourself and others must accept us for who and what we are. Accept and embrace the qualities of others, and who knows you can level up your friendship to a Special Person Status.
Human relationships are the source of most of life's pleasure and pain. There is however a key variable in the happiness equation - OTHER PEOPLE. These "others" are who we laugh, hurt, shout, swear, cry, try, work, pay, plan, debate...those whom we love, trust, tolerate, blame, believe and occasionally avoid. That's why we make friends. There are no simple mathematical formulae for making friends. Certainly it takes more than self esteem and good table manners to earn the trust of others. There is a balance between give and take, between duty to oneself and to others. And then there is generosity, sensitivity, good humor and a little wisdom. We control our actions, drinking for example does not make one less noble than a person who doesn't, for as long as we can limit and condition that habit so that we do not go to the extremes is fairly acceptable. Likewise, when you force a person to stop smoking, for example, it does not make him or her a better person inside, thus an advice more than a lecture would suffice at this stage - keyword equates respect one's decisions and opinions. The knife in he hands of murderer kills, but a knife in the hands of a doctor saves lives. So to be a friend or a person in a relationship we cannot push outside another persons' envelope, nor can we be quick to pass judgment.
Our world is made of layers. We have the inside world - friends and family...the outside world - bosses, colleagues and some extra terrestrial salesman at our door. You see, different people require different treatment (you don't treat your boss like your wife or partner). Nevertheless we seek a tranquil co-existence with people from all layers.
I have a friend when I was staying in KL, who has all the trendy gears. Armani shirt, Cardin suit, Gucci shoes and a concertina of credit cards. He's got a diamond studded watch on his arm and a matching BMW to match it. He argues with me when we go out that he is doing everything right. When he complains slightly to me about his life, I then asked him a simple question - Is this what you really want and are you happy with it? when I pointed out to him that these are all materialistic things and asked him if he was happy. He could NOT answer me!!!. I told him to ask himself, if he was doing all the right things, where are his real friends? How is it that his other mates in his battered old proton is getting all the laughs and scoring all he ladies (and gentlemen)?
There are times when we should ask ourselves too some relevant questions like "Am I reliable? Do I feel superior? Do I feel inferior? Am I running scared? Do I take myself too seriously? Can I laugh at myself? Do I listen? Am I responsible? Am I a fun person to be around or do I bore everyone to death? Well the first lesson of friendship is that IF YOU WANT FRIENDSHIP, YOU MUST BE A FRIEND FIRST.
Life is about people . If there are other people( a partner, a friend or an acquaintance) who puts too many conditions on how you should behave, they risk cutting themselves from life itself. No doubt you will have a friends or partners who are less punctual, more thrifty, or less reliable than you, people who are more talkative, less modest. much sillier or more serious than you are. BE FLEXIBLE. A person cannot expect an overnight change on the habit of another person. Instead of attacking learn to absorb and accept. Delight the differences in those who make up your world. Enjoy yourself for your uniqueness and you will do yourself the most enormous favor. Dont let others undermine you for being oppinionated, being open, being flexible and for sticking to your beliefs and facts - in short for being what you are. Be yourself and others must accept us for who and what we are. Accept and embrace the qualities of others, and who knows you can level up your friendship to a Special Person Status.
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